A Bed Time Story About Men

So to tie in with myrr’s post about a children’s tale about Elves, I wanted to show the other side of it. Enjoy!

“Do you want me to tell you a short story before you shut your eyes?”

“Not really, dad.”

“So once all races were one…”

“Dad…”

“SO ONCE…”

“DAD!!”

“BE QUIET FOR A MINUTE! SO ONCE all races were one, and they were called the Ehlnofey.”

“sigh… That’s not even true.”

“Anyway, these Ehlnofey, at some point, decided that they did not want to be a group anymore…”

“And they became the Elves and Men. Can I go to sleep now?”

“Just shut up for a moment. So they split and become the Elves and Men. You know that the Elves, then the Aldmer, became all of our wondrous, and less wondrous… well mostly less wondrous…”

“How long is this story?”

“IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD YOU ARE GOING BACK TO THE BREEDING SIDE! Where was I? OH! YEAH! so you had all these merkinds, but you knew that already. What I am going to tell you now, is the tale of Men. You see, men was scattered back then. They weren’t one, as we Elves, but they were many different groups. Some decided to stay here, some decided to go to the High North, and some went to the Far West. The Men that stayed here, the Ne…”

“Nedes.”

“The Nedes, that stayed here, they were uncivilised, and lived in small groups. Some of them lived peacefully with our brothers, the Direnni, and, after many years, they took the good Elven blood, and they became the Bretons.”

“Than why do you hate them?”

“Not important.”

“Some of these Nedes…”

“Imperials?”

“SOME OF THESE NEDES did not live peacefully with the Elves, and eventually, even though our brothers, the Ayleids.”

“We got a lot of bothers, haven’t we?”

“FOR GODSSA… So they did not want our civilisation! They became angry, and they kicked out our brothers. And these men wanted more, and they became the Imperials, and they ruled the entire continent. Do you even want to hear the story?”

“No. I already told you.”

“Well, suck it up. There were more men though…”

“Yes, there were countless tribes, scattered throughout all of Nirn…”

“I’M TALKING ABOUT THE BIGGEST GROUPS, let me finish! So there were also men in the Far West. They were different from the other men, just as our brothers there…”

“MORE BROTHERS!? Our parents didn’t lay still at night, did they?”

“I SWEAR TO THE GODS, IF YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH AGAIN… count to ten, count to ten… So, I was saying… these men in the West were different, just like the Elves there, the Left Handed Elves. These men did not love the world, just like us. But just like any form of men, they wanted the whole continent. And when they could not have it, they sank it. So now the Elves there were dead. Or ,at least, we think they are dead… not important. So now the Men there needed a new home, so they sailed East, to Tamriel, and they took what is now Hammerfell.”

“Now, there was a last race of men…”

“Can you finish this?”

“THIS LAST RACE OF MEN were from the High North. They could not agree, and a lot of people died. Some wanted to go back to where they once came from, and they returned to Tamriel. They met our broth… the Elves there, the Falmer. These Elves only wanted peace, but eventually even they got a fight with the men of the north. The men, as are all men, were weak, and had to go back to the High North, to get more men. So now this man came back with five hundred others to kill…”

“Isn’t five hundred a bit few to kill an entire race?”

“THAT IS HOW THE STORY GOES AND I DON’T CARE IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! So he came back with his five hundred men, and they killed all the Elves.”

“So that is how the story of men ends. Can you sleep now?”

“No, dad, I can’t. The sun is already up again, because you can’t tell a short story.”

“Well, sucks to be you I guess.”