Bump In The Night: Introduction to a Bestiary
Editor's notes are denoted with ^[brackets]
First and foremost, after much debate between my idiotic publisher and I, I've been forced to shorten my original title from "The Adventures of the Mighty Sera and Spellsword of House Telvanni, Professor Rothras and his Insights into the Nature of Things that go Bump In The Night." to “Bump In The Night: A Bestiary.”
Apparently it's not "economical" according to those n'wahs.[1] I've made compromises for you, reader, but know who your illustrious author is: eliminator of three clans of vampires, two frost troll dens, forty bandits, over a thousand zombies, and many other miscellaneous foul beasts and nefarious peoples.[2] Needless to say, I've got experience, and if you're reading this, you need help.
You're looking to hunt the big game. You've read all those pansy bestiaries and killed everything from atronachs to zombies, but you're not satisfied - you want more.
Well, I've got you covered.^[3]
This Bestiary, catalogued by a developed path of learning,[4] will teach you what you need to know in order to hunt all sorts of beasties and bastards! With my powerful tales of my conquests, you’ll learn by example exactly how to deal with any situation - from infiltrating a cross-dressing Argonian prostituion ring[5] to slaying a frost troll with a headbutt.
Let’s begin with the tale of my adventures in the Reach and an encounter with one of the most mythic and feared beasts in the whole world. No, not your mother-in-law, but a dragon!
[1] The editor has kept the majority of "Professor" Rothras' dialogue intact for posterity, as this authorship was published posthumously. The editor does not hold any affiliation to the aforementioned publisher, and no major publishing company in Tamriel reports ever having been contacted by a "Professor Rothras" or variants thereof, and House Telvanni has denied any record of there ever having been a Rothras. The body of Rothras was found in a cave in the north Jerall Mountains, which had been renovated into a study and small bedroom. It was also, obviously unbeknownst to Rothras, a troll’s hibernating den.
[2] No records exist affirming this claim. It should be noted that Rothras' inventory besides his works consisted primarily of a variety of textbooks on Tamrielic life, three copies of the Lusty Argonian Maid, and an Orcish shortsword that disintegrated upon touch.
[3] The editor, having consulted a variety of combat specialists, hunters, and bestiaries, has concluded that the wide majority of Rothras' tales and descriptions are at least somewhat reliable. Rothras also claims to have discovered "26 new species, and 34 sub-species of existing species" of beasts and a "disturbingly high amount of previously unknown factions among hostile sentient beings." The problem is that the wide majority of these threats are near wholly unverifiable because they live in hostile conditions, are extremely rare/secretive, or downright invisible. Until a time at which these discoveries can be confirmed, it would be best that this authorship is considered a work of fiction.
[4] The ordering system of Rothras is completely nonsensical, not corresponding with any dates or alphabetical system. His earliest story is set in 4E 176, and his last was this one.
[5] This story has, apparently, not been notable enough to actually be described in his works. See Skooma Soaked In Black Marsh entry