Koboldada, A Most Certainly Non-Canonical Goblin Creation Myth

The hosts of spirits that would be Men and would be Elves were sitting across from each other, discussing terms of war. As the moot droned on, several factions from either side stood up and began shuffling away.

One of the presiding spirits, massive and with perpetually crossed arms took notice.

" Where do you think you're going?" Said Trinimac.

"Sorry," They said " but this is boring and dumb as HELL. A pitched battle? Even now that seems contrived and barely anything has happened yet. If you want to kill each other, go for it. But we're all stuck here regardless, see what good it does you.

And with that they left.

For some time they just loitered and wandered about creation, until they came upon another big spirit leaning against a mountain and flipping a coin in his hand.

The most that can be said of his appearance is that he was not an elf.

"Hey." He said. " That was pretty cool what you did back there."

" Who are you?". They asked.

" If you want a name, I've only got honorifics and pejoratives and neither suit me completely. Suffice it to say I'm a pretty big deal."

To see him was to know it was so.

" What's most important to understand is that this is MY world. I more or less made it. With a little help."

He gestured at the sun: "Yeah, you BETTER run! Ha HA ha!"

" My point is, I like you guys. I want to do you a favor that'll make things a lot easier from here on in. Things are going to get crazy. As we speak new things are taking shape."

He peered over the top of the mountain. "See? Oh look at that one! Oh, gross! What the Hell is that? And oh look at that one! Ha HA ha!"

"Ahem."

"Huh- Oh yeah. So here's the thing- Me, the elves, Men, even grumpy mister Trinimac- we're all real important. And it's a drag. It's overrated. My gift to shall be The Virtue of Unimportantance."

He picked up one of the little spirits "Hup."

He began reshaping the spirit, bending and stretching its legs, pulling out its hair. Bigger ears, bigger nose. Less teeth here, more over there.

"Mhmm, that's it." He dunked the spirit in a lake and when he pulled it out it was green.

"'Ere we go. Now you're so lame and ugly and inconsequential that when the world ends it will forget to take you with it."

// Hi everyone!