Apuncrypha — Wordplays of Tamriel

Hello, fellow scholars of r/teslore. I've been lurking for some time now, and decided I could participate myself. I'm not very confident about my knowledge of the lore, but I'll try my best. Also, my first language is French, so do not hesitate to correct me if I — no, when I'll make mistakes.

I haven't yet translated some of my more serious texts. My idea for today was to present some terrible puns, collected in various times and places of Tamriel by Hermaeus Mora, who likes a good(?) laugh. I know most of them are quite approximate, and that it isn't a deeper exploration of the lore. But hey, some lore books are joke collections.

I. An old Nord priest and his apprentice are discussing religious subjects of high scholarly value. — Do you know the origins of our glorious Talos, my son ? — Not really… Do tell ! — Well, after the reign of the Potentates, people of Tamriel knew of Tosh Raka, and they were jealous. So rose Talos : Akavir may have a Tiger Dragon, but Tamriel has a Tiber Dragon !

(I bis.) (The Tiger Dragon of Akavir, a.k.a. Tosh.)

II. Lynn Haal is a Breton assassin, from Nordic fatherly ascendance. As a former legionary, he has had long years of practice in the field of slaughtering Elves. Retired after the Great War, he makes a living off his precious knowledge by accepting some assassination contracts. He quickly built himself a « good » reputation of a skilled and specialized Mer-killer. Moral : in order to kill Elves, you have to pay Lynn Haal.

III. What were the Snow Elves called before there was any snow ? Fall-Mer.

IV. What is the name of the school of magic Maormer use to make their vessels fade away into sea fog ? Mist-icism.

V. What happens when a Dragonborn travels to the Shivering Isles ? He learns a New Sheoth.

VI. (Herma Mora found an heretical painting.) http://i.imgur.com/caAmqjo.jpg

(Well, I guess it's good for tonight. Curious to know how this will be received.) Edit : corrections.