Imga: On the Throwing of Feces

In my travels through Valenwood, I eventually managed to camp with the “Great-Apes” for a few nights. As an Altmer, I was naturally accepted into their fold; and was given no small measure of comfort. I had an intimate conversation with their leader, one “Grand-Bishop Maldric, Lord of All branches between 26 and 31 feet.” (Though I later began to suspect such titles were only used in the presence of non-Imga, as they were readily forgotten and misremembered by peers.)

#On the Throwing of Feces#

Maldric: It is not thrown to do physical damage; that I assure you. We have weapons. Indeed, an Imga can throw a spear further and more accurately than any other. We must, as spears are the weapons best suited to our tactics. An Imga must hit a target from high within the trees, while using his other 3 appendages for climbing.

Corvus: Then why do it at all?

Maldric: I can think of three reasons readily. First and foremost it’s a metaphor.

Corvus: A metaphor?

Maldric: Is there anything less appealing than that which is forcibly expelled from you? It is so unseemly that your body is rid of it through no intervention of your own. Truly, it is the most useless thing to civilized beings such as you and I…. And so we throw it at things. We say “this belongs with you, as you share many qualities with it.” Put simply, Imga express disapproval through throwing excrement.

Corvus: I’m not sure that’s a metaphor.

Maldric: Whatever you might call it, it is but one explanation… We also throw our feces because it is very effective. Imga are not a brutal, vicious people. We are not like the men or the pig-people. We do not kill lightly. And if you can hit something with feces enough that it runs away…. Well, sure; they’ll need a bath. But they’ll still be alive.

Corvus: Well, that makes a lot more sense… What about that last reason?

Maldric: …. Its also pretty funny. Others get that, right? Imga think its hysterical. Have you ever seen the look on someone’s face when they’re pelted by poop? It is beyond all measure of gold.