The Battle of The Carolina: The Worst Military Endeavor In History?

And what is the in-lore significance of the phrase "Go to Hell, Carolina"?

>#The Battle of The Carolina: The Worst Military Endeavor In History? >>#By Eis Vuur Warden, Wayward and Contract Scholar >_

It is a well known fact that when one engages in combat with a reasonably old military veteran or still serving soldier from before the year 3E 421 stationed in almost any Imperial province or island territory, they will often call the attacker a "Carolina" or say "Go to hell, Carolina!" as they throttle you. This has left many the civilian and new recruit confused, dumbfounded, and very emotionally hurt. What is this 'Carolina' that the legionnaires speak of, people wonder often. Thankfully, I have discovered the source of these bizarre phrases and have therefore recorded them here for your benefit.

The Battle of The Carolina (Also Known as The Carolin War) was one of the most infamous battles in Nirnic war history, and is almost never brought up in conversation by Tamrielic miltiary forces, the Echmeri armare, the Esroniet Flotilla, the Pyandonean Navy, Roscrean Armada, and the Thrassian Air Fleet. In fact, trying to speak with one of the of (well, non-hostile) individuals involved in it will result in a slap upside the head and quite the bit of telling off; this has lead to the almost complete unknowningness of the depressingly embarassing battle in the minds of the commonfolk.

In 3E 420, the Imperial Navy came into contact with a previously undiscovered island some distance from the province of Hammerfell, and only a couple of miles away from the whirlpool of Old Thras. After making landfall, the legionnaires discovered a race of what seemed to be hive-minded hoarvor-like people that called themselves the 'Carolina', and stated as one that their island was called 'Carolin'. The Legionnaires attempted to inform the Carolina that they had been conquered, but their 'Queen' refused to accept the Empire's authority and the negotiations ended when the Carolina slaughtered an entire unit of legionnaires with their hands. The Carolin War had begun.

For the next few months the Legion fought furiously, but the Carolina had the superior advantage of terrain knowledge and their strange foul-smelling weapons that burned the skin and bled the nose. Legionnaires died from both scent, disease, and wounds throughout the countless battles in the war and the Elder Council even thought that the Emperor should end the bloodshed. But Uriel did not heed the warnings; many thought he sought to prove himself again after his imprisonment in the Deadlands at the hands of Jagar Tharn.

And so the legionnaires continued fighting, calling in reinforcements from all of their territories: Roscreans, Echmer, Chimeri-quey, Esrimer...all were Tamrielic that day during this long struggle. But their losses were still high, and all seemed lost until the last four months of the war, when something unexpected happened: Sload and Maormer ships rose up behind the legionnaires, seemingly in a ploy to kill the maimed Tamrielics. But it was not so! For it was revealed that the Sea Elves and Slugs had come to help, for they two wished to have the Carolin pacified because of past grievances.

When the Pyandoean and Thrassian ships entered the fray, seemingly on the side of the Empire for the first time in history, the legionnaires and its allied forces thought that the war was won as their winnings became more notable and numerous. But the Carolina had a trick, a deadly unknown trick, that they used to fruition. After luring the combined armies to a somewhat quiet grove of fallen wood trees, the Carolina turned around and released a wind so twisted, horrid, and powerful from their backsides they blew all of the servicemer into the ocean and made their ships explode from the strength. Nords still claim that the Carolina used the thu'um on Legion and its allies, but the Greybeards adamantly declare that the backside does not have the required...vocals...for such a feat. The Battle of the Carolina unofficially ended that day in 3E 221, with no further attempt to annex it ever happening again. The Maormer, Sload, Echmer, Tamrielic, Esrimer, and Roscrean soldiers merely went back to their respective lands without any further acknowledgement of each other and proceeded to scrubb themselves for sixty days to remove the smell.

The word 'Carolina' has become the equivalent to a swear word, exclusive to Nirnic militaries, that means something along the lines of 'repulsive, foul wind smelling pest'. To this day it is attested by all that the Great Wind was heard all across the world, and was definitely smelled – it's odor not decreasing as it spread to the nostrils of every denizen of Nirn.