The 2nd Hardest Job I Ever Did [I]

I'm existence's best thief.

No, I'm not the Grey Cowl. You've -heard- of the Grey Cowl. You don't even know my name. I don't leave a trace, an echo, a whisper, nada, no glitch, nothing.

No I'm not Vivec. He still doesn't know that I took one of his nose hairs. Probably doesn't care, not like the guy ever sneezes. That was a hard job, maybe in the top twenty.

No, I'm not Mephala. Close! Close though. She is the one that got me on this path, even if she'll never remember it. Stealing those memories was a hard job too. Top ten.

Weird how those deities are always hard to steal from. I've got two mortals in my top ten list though: when I stole myself, which was so weird I barely agree that it should have worked, and getting into that twelve-times damned safe. Twelve times! Talk about insecurity.

Once, I stole a whole color from the Glister Witch. None of you even know what peltogyne looks like. That was the 3rd hardest job I've ever done.

The Hardest job I've ever done, well that's secret, even from me. I might go and get those memories back, but I'm sure I got rid of them for a reason. All I have are my notes: "hardest job - definitely hardest", "never steal the cog again", "successful, put back", & "tossing memories, do not retrieve".

"Successful, put back," means I was successful and put the damn thing back where it came from. I've had to do that a few times. "Successful, replaced," means I was successful and put a replica there. Key difference.

I don't have any notation for failing a job. I never have. That's because I'm the best.

Why do I do this? For fun, really, at this point. Well, I can't say only for fun. I tried stopping once, but it's like a drive. I swear, I'm addicted. Thieving is so much ecstasy.

Sometimes I do it for the challenge. Like stealing that color, peltogyne. Sometimes I do it because I was hired, like Vivec's nose hair, or that freaking safe. Sometimes I do it because it needs to be done, like taking Mephala's memories. That whole strand of thought, really. I needed to be safe, see? Without a doubt, unknown.

If you're reading this, it's because I have intuition. And my intuition is saying that this job is going to kill me. And I thought, as anyone would, that they might like to be known. After they're dead.

"What about the afterlife," someone might say. Well see, I've done so much to myself, crossed so many lines and borders and boundaries, that I honestly don't think I have an afterlife. I don't think I have a soul. If I die and I go somewhere, it ain't the Dreamsleeve I'll tell you that much.

So. Yes. I'm writing a journal. This sphere will pop the moment I cease to live, so, if you're reading this, then, I'm dead, or worse.

If you're reading this, I'm sure Vivec is reading this too. Sorry about the nose hair guy. I was paid handsomely for it, if that makes you feel better? Hell you're probably just mad that you missed it. Like, didn't get to know about how it was done afterwards. Honestly, it wasn't that fantastic. Don't worry about it. Like, my methodology wasn't breakthrough or anything. It was the fact that it was YOU and your crazy city that made it so hard.

Mephala, sorry about the memories but, I'm sure you understand.

Meridia, ah, as for peltogyne, it's in the bookmark. Very sorry for, you know, doing that but it was so excruciatingly exhilarating I'm surprised I didn't go back for the whole rainbow.

Anyways, this job. They want me to get one of the "1,008 Cyrodiilic Weapons of Rapture." They don't care which one, but it has to fit within certain parameters. It has to be something portable. It has to be something controllable. Very much preferably, it should be something one person can use, without killing that person. Also, very much preferably, if it can kill a god, that'd be nice.

Assholes. I wonder who they want to kill? And why is this job so scary to me?