CHIM as a Strange Loop

I have previously defined CHIM as "the pairing of Will and Love." Essentially, Love, as I see it, is the unity of the self with all else, and Will is the primacy of the individual identity over that unity. This would, at first, appear to be a paradox! How can the self be all of reality but also an individual within that reality simultaneously? And, presuming that it's actually possible, what shape does this paradox even take? What actions does one undertake to produce it?

These are questions I believe I now have answers to, at least as far as they pertain to my own model of the metaphysics. I will here combine my understanding of CHIM with my musings on strange loops, which are ideas that reach back and contain themselves, a concept which is especially applicable to questions of both personal identity and TES lore.

Triumph of Sympathetic Megafetish

We have, it turns out, a handy example of something eerily like the Love that I describe, sitting right in the center of Tamriel:

> Though the Ayleids gave theirs a central Spire as the imago of Ada-mantia, the whole of the polydox resembled the Wheel, with eight lesser towers forming a ring around their primus. To dismiss this mythitecture as being a mockery of the Aurbis is to ignore an important point: this same "jest" gave White-Gold Tower a power over creatia unalike any on this plane(t). It was a triumph of sympathetic megafetish, and the Start of the [Threat! To! Empire!] that brings me to this Council.

> If the Ayleids made their own Wheel within the Wheel, were-web aad semblio, what would happen if they plucked its strings?

Sympathetic magic is the idea that, by taking actions in symbol, one can effect larger magical change on the world. A real-world example of such an idea is that of poppets in folk-magic: Make a doll or puppet in resemblance of a person, and you can manipulate them, their sensations, or their surroundings, for good or ill.

Here we have the Ayleids fashioning a symbol of the Mundus, which is itself a symbol of the whole Aurbis. And it worked. It gave their culture access to unparalleled mythic might, which took the likes of Alessia, Morihaus, Pelinal, and their armies to topple.

In a very real sense, White-Gold both exists inside the Aurbis and encompasses the entirety of the Aurbis itself. Sounds awfully familiar, doesn't it?

Poppet-Self: Your Guide to Achieving Love

Love is a supreme act of meditation, of contemplation. Through it, you are either consumed in unity (zero-sum) or transformed into a being of Will (CHIM). I now believe that the act of Love involves nothing less than fashioning, within one's own identity, a symbol of all of reality. You reach inside yourself and make a Wheel of your own thoughts, which, by way of the very same sympathetic magic that empowers White-Gold, actually is all of reality. In so doing, you contain reality within a single identity; you regard the Wheel as a Tower. I ARE ALL WE.

And that's where the real trial begins.

The CHIM Loop

The Wheel turns within those who achieve Love, who have made of themselves Towers, and it immediately threatens to collapse. If you are the Tower and not anything else, then you have made yourself indistinguishable from everything that exists in the Aurbis. This is the case when Love triumphs over Will. If you do not find a way out, you zero-sum.

The way out? The Triangular Gate; the Secret Tower within the Tower.

You must recognize that, in the state of being the Tower, you contain not just everyone and everything outside yourself, but also yourself. You are in the Aurbis, even as the Aurbis is in you. This is the Secret Tower that you must find, "the shape of the only name of God, I." Reach inside yourself, reach inside the Aurbis, and grasp yourself within yourself to complete the strange loop of CHIM. Do not let go. Ever. Take the Triangular Gate, becoming the Rebel that is the Secret Tower, overthrowing the King that is the Tower, carving yourself free from the Wheel that is the Witness. In so doing, you transform yourself into the Eternal I. In so doing, Love is under your Will. I AM AND I ARE ALL WE.

While you're at it, if you're so inclined, feel free to change yourself into whatever you wish. You have your very identity and nature in your grasp, after all. Self-actualize, self-define. Transform.

This strange moment of transformation is CHIM. And it doesn't last, not as it is; in supplanting the Tower with the Secret Tower, the King with the Rebel, you also supplant Love with Will, for the Tower is just the Wheel on its side. As Vivec said: "The ruling king that sees in another his equivalent rules nothing." And so, as I ARE ALL WE leaves you, you are left with I AM, with permanent self-mastery and whatever new identity, new nature, you wrought for yourself.

I can see you have some questions, though.

That's a neat trick! Can I do it again?

Wait, you want to achieve CHIM again? Well, no. You can't. And in another sense, also no, you still can't. Sorry.

CHIM is the moment of transformation, and once it's done, it's done. You can't make yourself even more immortal than being the Eternal I. So, in that sense, no, you can't achieve CHIM again.

But you can certainly place Love under your Will again, right? Simply fashion yourself into the Tower by way of sympathetic magic once more, and do what you want to the Aurbis that you are. Job done? Omnipotent god powers?

Wait, sorry, did I say "simply"? No, no, it's still incredibly difficult, just like it was before, and maybe even impossible now that you've achieved Will. You're a Ruling King now, you know? You don't do that "seeing in another your equivalent" thing anymore, and it just so happens that Love constitutes seeing a whole lot of things as your equivalent. You gotta look elsewhere for the means to accomplish astounding magic feats. I mean, you're super immortal now; isn't that enough?

Hm, yeah, maybe. Omnipotent god powers would be nice, though.

Well, I don't know about "omnipotent," but there are a few options you can look at pursuing. Some of the Walking Ways, for example, can give you lesser forms of immortality as well as tons of magic power. Notably, you can take the steps of the dead with impunity, not losing your identity, since you have Will. There's also Tonal magic, which is a matter of imposing your own willpower and knowledge, both of which you now have quite a lot of. I mean, Talos used his mastery of Thu'um to clear a jungle! Backwards in time! That's pretty nifty. Tonal magic is basically how most gods do their things, along with judicious application of creatia.

And, maybe it's too late at this point, but generally you can acquire some pretty potent powers back at the self-actualization step. Don't get mad at me if you didn't, though. You could have become whatever you wanted. It's not my fault if you didn't think to set yourself up as a particularly potent spirit.

It's fun and all, but I'm not really digging this, actually. Are you sure I can't feel Love anymore?

Ah, okay, so you really want to feel Love again? Yeah, I get it. Well, there is a way, it turns out. Here's what you do:

Get out.

Of the Aurbis, I mean. Seriously, you want Love again? This is your best and only bet. Leave. "God outside of all else but his own free consciousness, hallucinating for eternity and falling into love: I AM AND I ARE ALL WE."

Enter the Dreamsleeve, cutting ties with the Aurbis. Take Memory with you. Achieve Love a second time, and the last time, by transforming yourself into a new Dream, shaped by the lens of Memory. Become an undying flower, with no equivalent, by making your Secret Tower into a new Tower, a new Wheel. In other words, commit yourself to a special kind of zero-sum, where the only reality there is for you to become forever lost in is the latent one inside yourself. "A whole World of You."

But be warned. There is no going back. You are not sleeping, you are not dreaming, and you are never waking. Just as the first experience of Love is a permanent transformation, so too is the second. Will is forever. And so is Amaranth.