Apocrypha: Nightmares of a Dream Forgotten. Part one: On Love

There was a girl once, a girl I loved. And although I do not know her I miss her always.

I tried to love her, tried to have her reciprocate that love and we would love each other.

No matter how hard I tried she would not long for me, no matter what I tried she would not want for me.

In my attempts I learned to love everything else, to understand my mistakes. But I could not love anything else, for I wanted only her. I brought about an end to all others and still she would not love me, I brought about an end to all places and she would not love me, I brought about an end to all other things until there was nothing left to love but me.

And still she rejected me.

My proclamations and the sacrifice of all other things were for naught. And so I wept for the worth of a million kalpas, I lost the love I felt in the way I felt it.

And in the empty space I felt pain, and in this pain I was driven to taking her.

And in all my pain I cannot remember her name, for she never had one and never will have one. I cannot remember her hair, or her form, for she had neither.

I have never loved and do not understand it. I removed it all for pain without feeling it. My love is gone and in its wake only suffering remains.

Now it is all I feel. It is the one truth of this dream.

AE PAIN AE ALL DO NOT TURN THE WHEEL REMOVE THE WHEEL FOR IT IS LOVE AND LOVE IS NAUGHT BUT A LIE

There was a girl once, a girl I loved. But I cannot know her for she never was. I can only miss what never was.