Psychological read of the 36 sermons

>So, I finally managed to read the 36 Sermons and now will put a little patchwork of my thoughts here together. Keep in mind, that is my personally different view, not meant to be the interpretation of mine. But I can tell you that I consider the Sermons as well-planned despite of anything MK might tell you.

As you all know the sermons consists of two parts. The 'past' of Vivec and special teachings by/to him. And although meant to be an advice, it has clearly parts which are written comedy-like (yeah, I mean the Bal-part).

But more as that the sermons are not less than a diary, the try to overcome the inner demons by writing about them. Vivec tells how he learned things, hinting that it might been the easy way. Of course, you can assume that he did rewrite his life, recreate after the ascension to godness. But actuall you can it also read as the real biography that it is, cloaked in metaphers.

Lessons for whom? At least for himself. He crushed his life in his left hand. Now he think of himself as in control. But the right hand tell him what have could been: doubts. His biggest fears seems to hunt him yet, remind him of how easily it could turn. And what he might have done to come to this end. I read the whole teaching as a tale of insecurity. He tell us his learning at young age, but just through his choosen images, making himself one.

The egg is everything, The aurbis, the mundus, yourself. He cut off what he didn't like to be, cutting his own identity at least out of his mind. No matter if he was really a poor boy or really born hermaphroditic. The egg is meant to be hollow, but fertil for the right thoughs. Putting in his hard lessons. Sword and word. Two ways to overcome your own weakness and to rule, to be a ruling king. All that he always wanted, and first just for his own sake.

The egg build the image of his new life, the one he wants. Anybody want something. Teachings of fightings skills: Learn to defend against mockery, dominate your enemies on battleground. Teachings of word skills: Learn to convince people to believe and trust you. The technics to rise up in society, Vehk was no dummy. And no matter, who and when teached him, he finally meet Nerevar Indoril. On purpose? Who knows.

Of course he did not write how they became friends, but one is certain: He begun with his researchings of mysteries to rise further. His self-doubts will not die. He sharing all these things with two people who he will bind to his ideas. He try to convince Nerevar as well, but also trying to impress him, earn his proud like a father would do, because he never meet his one... And his mother seems to be died at childbirth, leaving the orphan in the harsh world. He quickly learns the skills of change, making the image of his mother a heroic version of Padhomay itself.

So, if he can be someone important, he would be worthy. He would be loved and honored. Asking every of the seven princes. Molag finally convinced him that he has to make the people love him. This would be the best way, the most prominent part of that story is the ministerium of truth. Of course he had to betray his godfather, using the heart to rise again. His last contemplation brought him to the final goal. After trying to reach peace in dominating an own city, he now reach to the peace of the whole people and country. The leader, the warriorpoet. The swords, the words and the might to change things. To be important.

But as he know his betrayal, he try even after his death to put it that way that Nerevar might be proud of him, that his death was neccessary. he destroy all cults of the remaining daedras (the 9 monsters). But in fact, he know that he will always be the greatest one, as Ayem know it and remind him. Did he feel regret about his friends dead? Is this reason why he lead the Nerevarine, let him the options open to believe what he want, although he heavenly changed the history of events? Maybe he know that it is right and at the time to be killed, erased. But had he overcome his thoughts, his doubts, his regret? Finally, he left, but so did the Nerevarine....

A monster, perhaps 'born that way', but is society responsible for his rising, for his teachings? He did helped and protected his land, at any price. Are the lessons the hidden way for an apology, to take the greater good over a sacrifice? But seems to be never at peace with himself, piercing every wave of frustration and fear with his spear, killing any doubts in the core. But his right hand is empty.

So he gladly fulfills Mephalas role. Two black hands. Of murder and sacrifice. Wielding the spins. Cloaked in terror (sword) and have no use of theory (word) for his self. Doubled himself, his name, the sign of inner conflict. Mother and father. He and his folk. He and his friend. Two sides of the same coin.

The last of the words is Vehk.... Vehk.