Nirn ent drowning, ets groing!

By Lad Seaman

So, I herd a milk drinker goin on about how Nirn be drownin. Elf talk if I ever herd it!

I dont reed or rite to much but I am a sailor. I kno maps, and I like to draw. All the boys like me drawins. And me mum gave me puzzels when I was a wee one. And wen you look at a map, its like a puzzel, ent it? All the peaces fit togehter.

Them elfs shood look at there own homeland. Any wee one can sea that the little islnad fits with the big one. And if you look reel hard, you can sea how all the Sumerset fit with Hammerfall and the Vallenwood.

In the north, if you look REEL close, you can sea where Soulshime was once parta the coast of Skyrim and Morrrowind. There own stories on the isle say its so, until some wizzards broke it up. I think they just be blamin some bogey man without havin the reel ecksplainayshun.

So this is what Ive been tellin the boys is the Groing Nirn Theery. The land ent sinking, but they splittin up. Why? Cuz Nirn be groing, ya booklovin idyuts! The water cums up, so dus the land, but what be pushin it?

Me grandda and the priests say the gods became the land. Some say they be dead. But Kyne the Mother brings life to the land, so how cood she be dead? The stories don't talk of her dyin, so why do any body think shes dead? So I say some gods live. And some gods became the land, but that don't reely mean they stopped livin.

The land lives. Maybe not the lands of elfs, cuz Shor and Kyne beat them up somethin fearce. But the lands of men live, at leest. And things that live, gro. Nirns groing!

Deep beeneath the lands and the waters, sumthins groin the waters and pushin up the lands. And that land be splitting up while it does, cuz some parts be dead and not all lands the same.

These jerks with the books say it dont make sens, but you ask em enuff questhuns, and you sea they dont even reely know what magic is. They talk about aydrons and daydrons, but I got me own thoughts about all that. They cant reely ecksplain nuthin. I still talk to olive them, cuz me mum maid me nice, but they dont talk to EECH OTHER, so they just dont get it.

Like, my iron boots got stuck to a big rock in the middel of nowear, just like that old story about the Gawntlets of the Crusaider in Corral gettin stuck to the floor! Except I didnt kill no beggar, and I was abell to pry them off after a bit. Stendarr likes me, I gess! No other ecksplaynin that. Maybe Stendarr lives, too. Cant go round liking and hatin people if hes dead, can he?

Like, okay, once in a while, the land falls. They had that thing in Winterhold, and once in a while you hear about a few water runes. But there ent enuff stuff down there. You ask the people who go down beeneath, the lizzard folk or whoever, and they tell you, nuthins down there mostly. Its all new land, where the land be strechin itself out and groing out.

Makes sens, rite? But they dont wanna hear it, sea, cuz it would probly mean bad things for them. Like, the whole elf isle will probly fall into the Mailstrom of Bal or somethin, or one day somethin will snap loose beeneath Akawveer and send it crashin in to us.

I dunno that part, but I can say that, at leest. I don't clame to know olive it, but it dont matter. Just look with your own eyes: Nirn is groing, Nirn is groing, NIRN IS GROING!