Fat Unicorns

I was 15 when the oddness struck me.

"Why do we call them 'fat unicorns'?"

"What did you say son?"

"The hunks of uncut amethyst. Why do we call them 'fat unicorns'?"

My mom turned it over in her head before she confessed she had no idea. The question stuck at the back of my mind. As I grew older we travelled across Cyrodil, meeting other jeweller families, dealers in raw materials, and artisans who wanted to buy off us for various projects.

They were filled with history. From them I learned why a cut sapphire is an "opeyknocker", or why Bretons and Redguards refer to Tigers Eye as a "Bee". Endless tales (half contradicting the other) of the terminology of our profession. But every one of them hemmed, hawed, and finally confessed ignorance when asked about "fat unicorns".

Years rolled over me and took the edge off my urge to know. I inherited my parents business and did quite well for myself. Eventually I married and had three children of own.

One day, just after opening my shop, a slightly dishevelled Dunmer woman walked in with a baby swaddled on her back. Her eyes swept warily around the room, and I could tell without asking that she was new to the city.

"Do you... buy jewels?"

"Depends on the piece in question."

She pulled out a tightly wrapped bundle and handed it to me.

"This was passed down to me from my grandmother. She said it's originally from Cyrodil, but I honestly don't know. Please... I need the money."

It was fascinating. A drinking vessel made entirely of amethyst. Such things were common enough; the old myth that Amethyst prevents hangovers won't seem to die.

The shape was unusual though. It was carved like a Colovian drinking horn. But not an ox or ram horn. In fact, I'm not sure what animal it was supposed to be from.

"Where did you say you lived before this?"

"Goran. A small village just across the border."

"Is this meant to be the horn of some Morrowind beast?"

She let out a small laugh. "When I was young my grandmother told me it came from a Luthadoon"

"A what?"

"Just a creature from children's stories." She put on a mock storyteller's voice "Big blind Luthadoon stumbles through the forest. Tearing up the trees and stepping on the mice. Will clever squirrel be able to steal his horn so he can drink all of brother Nix Hound's wine?"

"I see" I said with as little confusion as I could muster.

The woman was clearly sad to part with the cup, but I paid her a fair price. As she was leaving the shop a question struck me.

"Ma'am, if you don't mind me asking, does luthadoon translate to anything?"

She actually smiled at that. "Literally? 'Fat Unicorn'"