Admonition against Nirnroot Wine

>##Admonition against Nirnroot Wine

>####Public Service Announcement by Lysandra Ergalia

>######Published by University of Gwylim Press, Cyrodiil, CE 583

There has been a remarkable and recent rise of Cyrodiilic vintners (such as Thalara, Wilminn, or that untrustworthy Zimar) claiming to make and distribute a product called “Nirnroot Wine”. As a scholar of herblore, I could not be any more horrified. Why on Nirn would any person alive think it a good idea to take Nirnroot, ferment it, and serve it as an alcoholic beverage? Some might think me overreacting, but hear me out: I have valid reason for why everyone should avoid “Nirnroot Wine”.

First off, Nirnroots are not easy to cultivate. Findings suggest that they are a type of water-based weed (though this classification should be taken lightly: weeds are known to grow about near anywhere while Nirnroots are hardly as pliable but just as hearty). Specifically, Nirnroots, as far as they can currently be discerned, prefer a rich water source away from the trappings of civilization. Attempts at cultivation are laughable at best considering the fact that their delicate root system requires very specific soil types; once plucked, it won’t be replaced. The root drains the soil of nutrition, making sure to condemn any likely seed that could grow in its stead. This sudden fanaticism towards Nirnroot wine is sure to drive the plant to extinction!

I shouldn’t even have to mention what harm the ingestion of Nirnroot can do to the body, but I suppose I must. My friend and colleague, Ryain Joberic, with collaboration from his alchemist cousin Lucien Dauphine, was to publish a rudimentary primer of Alchemy titled The Magickal World of Wortcraft. In it, Ryain would detail all the mild effects taken from eating various plants and reagents. When he came to Nirnroot (which his cousin strongly recommended him to not ingest), he fell into a prolonged period of lassitude, being bedridden for at least a week. While he seemed perfectly healthy, he just could not get up; he had no energy. (If you wonder when this book would ever see the shelves, I regret to inform you the project was abandoned after my own warnings: if he wanted to make a complete and comprehensive guide to wortcraft, he would also have to ingest imp galls, daedra hearts, tiger eyes, and dare I mention human hearts! You’re welcome.) Mix these draining effects with an alcoholic medium, and you have a recipe for a pandemic bout of lethargy and laziness. Fields going fallow, crime on the rise, and adventurers stuck on barstools, drinking away the fiber of their life’s worth.

Is this the Nirn you want to live in? I’ve looked outside my window to see once-burgeoning adventurers go from strutting about to stumbling without, clutching those bottles of wine, sunlight glistening from their still-wet openings. Enough is enough! It’s time for the everyday explorer to take a stand against Nirnroot wine! Save the Nirnroot, don’t succumb to it. You have been warned.

###A Response from the Author

Over the past couple of months, certain criticisms have come about due to my relationship with my brother, a lesser known Colovian vintner. There are some naysayers (no doubt reeking of alcohol) saying that I am only admonishing the drink so the profits of my brother’s competitors (known producers of Nirnroot wine) will plummet. I will say this: my brother, Solonius Ergalia, is an honorable man and maker of fine wines. He is honorable because he staunchly refuses to use Nirnroot in his product and maintains this stance to this day. In no way whatsoever did his business or his profits influence my decision on the matter of Nirnroot wine; I came of this on my own volition. My professional opinion as a scholar of Gwylim overlooks any sliver of greed that comes with the promise of drakes. I am frankly offended that there are people who would refute my good character and claim me “corrupted”. For shame! The ones who are corrupted are the vintners selling Nirnroot wine, depleting the world of this glorious, singing plant all the while supplanting it with useless layabouts! It is best to stop them at all costs by boycotting their goods, so that they cannot afford to make this wretched drink anymore. If the business of wine-drinkers the world over happens to trickle towards my brother, the reputable and just Solonius Ergalia of Ergalia Wines, it is not at all because I was told to denounce Nirnroot wine! That is my final word on the matter.