How The Argonians Came To Be

How The Argonians Came To be

A Story for Dunmeri Children and Children-at-Heart

By Verdasi Hlaravo

Long ago and far away, longer ago and farther away than anyone can remember, the wise prophet Veloth (Ever May He Be in Happiness) taught his people to pack up their things and gird their loins and march away from the wicked altmer, away from the Summerset Isles and off to a promised land in the east.

This is not a story about the wise prophet Veloth. Rather, it is a story about a child, as precocious and curious as you, perhaps, and how they saved the whole Velothi people from a botheration so intractable that it threatened to halt the whole caravan!

You see, our ancestors, who were called the chimer in those days, were making the long journey from one end of the world to the other. They had crossed oceans and deserts and forests so thick that you had to cut your way forward with hatchets and axes! And now they had come to a great swamp that stretched as far as the eye could see.

Now in the murk of the swamp the road got thinner and rougher and thinner and rougher still until only the barest shrivel of a path was left for them to walk. And as they went their way east by northwards they came across a river that ran deep and fast and, so the old stories tell, was filled to overflowing with warty beasts that swallowed children whole! And across stood a bridge of mud and wood and stones, and while sagging and poorly made there was no other way across your ancestors could find.

Now you see, as Veloth led your ancestors to the bridge, a group of figures appeared, no fewer than six. They were tall and slender, and quite beautiful, with terribly shiny scales and long flashing tails.

And wise, good Veloth smiled and asked them, "Dear friends, is this the road north?"

And they smiled wicked smiles and said, "Weary travelers, you are a long way from home. Stay with us at our village this night. We will have a great feast in your honor!" And they rubbed their bellies and licked their lips, and beckoned away from the road to a hamlet of mud huts and great big firepits.

The caravan of your ancestors huddled together and whispered and asked eachother what they thought was best. And many of them complained, for they had been on their feet for many days and wished to rest and eat and be merry. But the wise prophet Veloth knew that they must not be delayed and declared that they should go on, and travel across the river to the land they were promised.

But again the scaled people blocked their way and said, "It has been a long journey for you, has it not? You must be tired! You must be hungry! You must want for merriment! And we anticipate soon there will be a great feast to be had!" And again they smiled wicked smiles full of sharp teeth, and rubbed their scaly bellies.

And again your ancestors voiced their complaints: they were tired, and they were hungry, and they did want for merriment. But the wise prophet Veloth tutted and shook his head and insisted that they must reach the land that was promised to them.

But soon the cries of your ancestors for food and rest had grown too great for the wise prophet to ignore, so he relented. And the figures grinned and their eyes flashed happily and they began to lead the caravan to the huts.

But as they were walking back, a young girl, perhaps your age, tapped at the thigh of one of the figures and said, "Sera, I was wondering, you say that there will be a great feast, yes?"

"Yes indeed!" The man said, and licked his lips in anticipation.

"But you are so skinny! Surely you have been skipping your supper!"

"Well," the man conceded, "There has not been supper for a long while, but there will be tonight!" And he curled his long tail in excitement.

"Well what will we be having?" asked the girl.

"It will be a surprise!"

"Will it be roast netch?" asked the girl.

"No, it shant be roast netch!"

"Will it be stuffed mudcrab?" asked the girl.

"No, it shant be stuffed mudcrab!"

"Will it be guargut muddle and cakes?" asked the girl, and this she asked with great anticipation, for guargut muddle and cakes were her favorite foods in all of nirn.

But once more the reply came. "Surely not! We have no guar in these parts!"

And then the girl, as precocious and curious as you, became terrible afraid for she had realized what supper would be.

"It's us!" she shrieked. And as the figure tried to grab her and silence her, she thought quickly and kicked him hard in the knees. And he fell, and tumbled and into the river!

The other men leapt upon your ancestors, and seeing the girls wise strategy, they too tossed the men into the river. And the men thrashed and screamed as the monsters therein bit their beautiful noses!

"Help us!" They screamed, "We shant ever try to eat you or your kind again if you help us!"

And the wise prophet Veloth smiled and winked at the clever girl. "Shall you guide us out of this terrible swamp?"

"Yes yes! Anything!"

And so your ancestors grabbed them by their tails and pulled. They pulled and pulled, and the men cried "Arrgh!" which is how they came to be called Argonians. And after much heaving and huffing, the monsters of the river let go and swam away.

"Arrgh!" The men cried again, and clutched their faces, which had been stretched and misshapen by the biting jaws of the river's warty beasts. "Our beautiful faces! Oh our beautiful faces! Who will love us now? Who will we trick into our bellies?"

"No one." said the wise prophet Veloth. "You are now as ugly as you are wicked, and people will see it on your faces that you are to be hated and feared." And the Argonians wept, for they knew it to be true. And your ancestors picked up the girl and put her on their shoulders and cheered as they went their way north, to the land which was promised to them, for she was as precocious and curious as ever a child was, perhaps even as precocious and curious as you.

[[This is my first narrative piece of apocryphal TES literature, and was written as a book for Beyond Skyrim: Morrowind. Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!]]