The Song of a Summoned Dremora

Author's Note: I'm unsure if bardic songs are allowed on /r/teslore, but I've seen them here before, so I'll assume "yes." If you want to know how to sing it, it's supposed to be set to the tune of the Whose Line Is It Anyway? hoedown.

A traditional Dunmeri drinking song

Written c. 3E 294

Transcribed by Jorundr Strong-Heart of the Markarth Institute, 4E 202

The following is a four-verse song with origins in Dunmeri cornerclubs. It is unknown how the song became popularized, but most sources say it came about in the city of Sadrith Mora and was written by a Telvanni sorceror as an actual account of his or her first time summoning a Dremora.

I conjured up a Daedroth, but he was rather mean.

The curses he yelled were very much obscene.

And though he wasn't nice, and no, he wasn't kind,

A better companion is one you'll never find.

The Dremora was yelling "it's weakness that I smell."

"Release me from my bonds or I'll take you to hell!"

And that's when I realized, though he did not yet see,

I knew the best of buddies is exactly what we'd be.

I took the Daedroth with me to a bandit camp.

A river was a-raging and the air was sorta damp.

When the Dremora saw them, he turned red in his eye.

He went off a-running and said "now you'll die!"

Well it turns out that this plan was rather crummy,

And the Dremora, it seems, was a big fat dummy.

For twenty-nine bandits came around the river bend,

And as my buddy would say; "there could be no other end!"