A Maormer's Guide to the Tamrielic Races

By Stormreeve Llindralion

Every Maormeri child has heard stories of the horrors of Tamriel. Stories of vast grasslands where humans hunt for Elven prey and of cold mountains where giants made of nothing but ice freeze and consume the hearts of any who would disturb them. You may think that such stories are little more than gross exaggerations and propaganda, but you would be wrong. The reality is far worse than you could have imagined. The landscape and environment of Tamriel is, with the exceptions of the Summerset Isles that the Altmer stole from us in ages past, treacherous enough to make any Maormer with half a mind stay away from it, but that is far from the worst. I am of course speaking of the inhabitants of Tamriel, Men and Beasts. They rule Tamriel together with the Dunmeri Elves, who live in an unforgiving land of fire and ash, and the forest-dwelling Bosmer. I will admit that I have personally never set foot on mainland Tamriel, but the stories told to me by my comrades who have visited a location known as "Abah's Landing" in Tamriel have given me a good understanding of the peoples of that continent. I will here give you a brief description of each of the major Tamrielic Races (with the exception of the Altmer, which I am sure that you are all tired of hearing about). Trust me, what you are about to read will exceed even your worst nightmares about Tamriel.

The Bosmer

The Bosmer were once Altmer who left Summerset because of that they considered their kings to be too strict. They traveled to the deep jungles of Valenwood in southwestern Tamriel. The Bosmer are a cannibalistic and barbaric race that has taken control over the woods of Tamriel under the rule of their God-King Y'ffre, who supposedly has his throne in the walking tree-city of Falinesti (which recently disappeared together with Y'ffre some years back). Now Valenwood is ruled by three warlords known as Silvenar, the Green Lady and Camoran. They have requested aid from the Altmeri queen Ayrenn in governing the Valenwood and they have agreed to join her "Aldmeri Dominion". Bosmer usually do not think twice about killing anyone who enters their forest (which they see as holy), but they have recently made efforts to seem more civilized to the other races.

The Khajiit

The Khajiit are big cats who live in the savannahs of Elsweyr in southern Tamriel. The Khajiit are no less barbaric than the Bosmer, and some say that the Khajiit where created when an Altmer tried to copulate with a wild lion. Most Khajiit are humanoid, but they are no more intelligent than any other cat. The Khajiiti King, or "Mane", is the only Khajiit that can speak, and the Khajiit therefore worship him as their savior. It is said that when a Mane dies a new one steps down from the Moons and takes the fallen one's place. What truth there is to that I do not know, but the Khajiit do have a strange love for the Moons. I theorize that the Khajiit are simply drawn to bright things, and therefore see both the Sun and the Moons as gods. The Khajiit also see the wild lions and tigers of southern Tamriel to be their equals, which says much about their sophistication and intelligence. When the more intelligent Bosmeri race joined the Aldmeri Dominion, the Mane soon decided that the Khajiit should follow in their steps.

The Argonians

The only province of Tamriel that a Maormer might find to be hospitable in the slightest is sadly occupied by a strange lizard-folk which calls itself "the Hist". They are however by most others known as the Argonians. The Argonians are strange, for they are born as trees and only when they have lived for more than three elven lifespans do they transform into Lizards. The Argonian lizards are born four-legged, but then grow to stand on two legs. The Argonian brain first develops when its genitals have finished growing, and when the brain has developed fully the Argonian immediately runs off to find a mate. When two Argonians have mated the male immediately dies, and the female finds a good location in a swamp to lie down. An Argonian tree then starts growing out of the Argonian female's head which in time grows into a healthy Argonian tree. The Argonians have no gods, as they are too stupid to comprehend such concepts. The Dunmer told the Argonians of Black Marsh to join their Ebonheart Pact, and the Argoinans immediately did so without asking questions.

The Dunmer

The Dunmer were once a devout Elven folk, loyal to the Daedra and their ancestors. The original Dunmer were Daedra-worshipping Altmer who followed a star that they called Veloth into the ashlands of Morrowind. There a split among the Dunmer happened. Some Dunmer became Dwemer and began living underground, eating rocks. Other Dunmer became the Chimer, who remained on the surface of the Ashlands. The Chimer are the only Dunmer who are still around, as the Dwemer were far too stupid to realize that they couldn't survive by eating rocks. The Dwemer were however able to build a great machine known as the Numidium. What this machine is or what it does only the Dunmer know, and they're not telling. The Dunmer are currently ruled by a three-headed monster known as the ALMSIVI, which is said to have been created when the Chimer Almalexia, Vivec and Sotha murdered the Dwemer king Nerevar in ages past. The ALMSIVI has sadly replaced the Daedra in the Dunmeri pantheon. It was the Dunmer who created the so-called Ebonheart Pact when they needed aid in fighting the Kamal of Akavir.

The Men

As we all know, men are inferior copies of the Elves created by the foolish half of the Ehlnofey in the Dawn Era. The Humans usually pose little threat to Elves, but in the central and northern wastelands of Tamriel they have estabished empires and kingdoms for themselves. The current human Empire of central and northern Tamriel is called the Daggerfall Covenant, but the Ebonheart Pact and the Aldmeri Dominion have invaded and pushed the Covenant back from their capital of Wayrest (also known as the Imperial City, which once was grand Elven City). Therefore the Men of northern Tamriel have sought aid from the brutsh Orcs. The Orcs may be inferior to the Maormer in every way, but as thay carry Elven blood they are still superior of the human races. The Covenant, Pact and Dominion are currently in a stalemate, as none of the Alliances have competent leaders.

There are many other races in Tamriel, such as the Imga, Kothringi and Nedes. These are however considered to be inferior races, even by Men. Therefore I will not write of them here. I hope that this book has taught you much about the Tamrielic races, and has convinced you to never travel to those cursed lands in your long lives.

If this book sells well enough I may very well write further about Tamriel, or even Akavir. If so I hope that you will read my future works aswell.