How Uncle Sheo made the Wabbajack

One dayspring, when Uncle Sheo was fiddling with the locks of his hair-door, he fought to himself: "This hair-door is two things at once, but it is only those two things for all moments." Finding this broken earthbone terribly uninspired (Like old Shally's holiday roast, made with naught but cabbage and horker flank), Uncle Sheo set out to find a way to make a thing that made other things into other things.

He set off, with his pack on his back carrying a rack full of packs. In each pack was a different kind of knife. There was a flaying knife, a filleting knife, a boot knife(even though it was in a pack), a butter knife, a ritual knife, a butcher's knife, a thief's knife, wife knife, and of course, a cheese knife. These knives jingled and jangled like a knight's spurs as he walked, and Uncle Sheo realized that he had forgotten to take his knight's knife (which the pretentious folks call a "dagger" and Mephala calls a "stiletto").

Troubled by this, he worried about his knight's knife throughout the night. When morning came, Uncle Sheo had slept not a wink and he was very frustrated. So frustrated was he that he pummeled to death the first thing he saw(after drinking his morning absinthe of course). As luck had it, the first thing he saw happened to be a wandering knight called Gorm(or was it Norm? It was probably Norm). Uncle Sheo quickly stripped Norm's corpse and found a knight's knife (and on the blade was engraved: "to Norm, from Gorm").

Quite hungry, Uncle Sheo used his butcher, flaying, filleting, and butter knives to turn Norm into a delicious roast, much better than Shally's roast. His belly full, Uncle Sheo set out on the road once more.

Eventually, Uncle Sheo came upon an old tower, smack dab in the middle of the road, where no sensible person would think to build a tower. Uncle Sheo was confused by this, because he did not remember building a tower, even though he did many similarly senseless things. Atop the tower was a melancholy Jill who called herself Usthraalamix. Usthraaalamix was depressed because she had won only second place at the latest pre-Convention cook-off, where the et'Ada ate all the food, often arranged in circles of eight aedra, in preparation for the next bout of awful fighting. Usthraalamix, in her melancholy, joined two dwarvergent timelines so that a road and a tower were built in the same place.

Uncle Sheo was forced to stop at the tower, because he was in one of his moods and had suddenly developed a fear of encountering cross-country skiers while walking cross-country. He asked Usthraalamix why she was blocking the road and she said that she was stress eating and that towers in odd places attracted plenty of snacks. She then explained the reason for her depression, lamenting that Alduin's Continent Quiche had outperformed her Cheese-Stuffed Paradoxes. Uncle Sheo, delighted that she had mentioned cheese, offered her some of his leftover Norm Roast. Sensing that they were kindred spirits, Uncle Sheo and Usthraalamix spent seven weeks together as collaborating chefs and casual lovers.

They experimented with many recipes: onion and syzygy soup with melted cheese on top, dreamsleeve pasta with grilled dreugh in a hist based sauce, sauteed star with mushrooms and greenmote chips. Finally they came upon a sublime recipe. Starting with Usthraalamix's Paradoxes, they marinated them for three days in Padomay blood, seasoned them in a spice made from shaved Numidium Metal, and grilled them using Usthraalamix's Thu'um until medium rare. The result was a divine culinary experience.

Delighted by this success, Usthraalamix offered to fly Uncle Sheo to a place where he could find a thing that turned things into things. She flew him out beyond Oblivion and Aetherius, to the side of the Great Wheel. Looking at the side of the Wheel Uncle Sheo noticed that Convention, the Wheel's hub, was connected to a lovely looking rickshaw axle.

Uncle Sheo was overcome with joy, and, using his many knives, he carved a splinter from this transcendent axle. Working for days, he scrimshawed his splinter into an object of divine provenance. When his great work was done, Uncle Sheo was left with a staff that Mantled himself which he named The Wabbajack, and there was much rejoicing and bad poetry.